Don’t let Roadblocks Stop You from Taking Action and Getting the Help you Need for your Self and your Kids when signs of dis-ease begin to appear.
There are plenty of things I would do differently as a Mother and Wife if I could turn back the hands of time. I try not to “go there” too often. I’ve had to forgive myself more than once for not taking action when my kids were having trouble in school, or for not advocating for myself when I needed more help from my husband or my family.
If only I had the courage to persevere.
Our family got through it but not unscathed. Our children are grown. Our family is intact but we continue to mend. It hasn’t been easy.
That’s why it’s been difficult for me to sit on the sidelines and listen to other parents use the same excuses I bumped up against—the ones that prohibited me from taking action when things at home were falling apart.
For example, when it comes to a parent’s anxiety about Johnny’s or Jennifer’s acting out, substance abuse and/or suspicion of ADD or depression, this is what I hear:
I’m not acting because:
• I don’t want her to take on labels
• I don’t want him to have a diagnosis
• I don’t want my kid on medication
• All kids go through this
• She’ll grow out of it
• It’s that new group of friends and their permissive parents
• It’s the Schools’ fault • It’s the Teachers’ fault
• It’s the Physicians’ fault • It runs in the family; not to worry
• We can’t afford the testing • The testing is a scam
• Not enough time: school, homework, extracurricular activities
• My Spouse doesn’t’ buy in
• If I wish hard enough, he’ll grow up and “it” will all go away
If I ask about the parent’s well being, this is what I hear: I’m not acting on behalf of my own anxiety or depression because:
• I don’t believe in labels
• I don’t want a Diagnosis
• My Insurance doesn’t cover it or I have no insurance for that
• I don’t want to have to take medications
• Denial: “There is no problem” or “All families have problems”
• Not enough time in the day
• My Spouse doesn’t buy in
• Other needs have to come before my own; (I’m not worth it.)
There is so much underlying fear it’s hard to know what to do.
Parents: you do not have to hurdle these roadblocks on your own. The Bay Area is rich with mental health and substance use resources both private and within your county’s Behavioral Health and Recovery Services organization. You don’t have to feel alone in making life-altering decisions. Plus, the Affordable Care Act, (ACA), offers first ever coverage for substance use issues as well as better mental health benefits.
Take Hope, Educate your self, Self Advocate, and explore every avenue. Find Support. It takes enormous courage to take the right action for our kids, for our selves and for our families. You can find the courage you need in getting the support you deserve.
Don’t wait.
Short list of resources in San Mateo County:
• Search for Therapists by City--Psychology Today (Note: For Substance Abuse and Co-Occurring (Substance & Mental Health) issues seek guidance from those who have been specifically trained and or have experience in the field for Addiction and Chemical Dependency.)
• Mills-Peninsula Hospital www.mills-peninsula.org/behavioralhealth/
• San Mateo County Behavioral Health and Recovery Services http://smchealth.org/bhrs
• Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP®) Peer Support—Put in your city to find a group near you. • Hakomi Institute for mindful, experiential, body-centered therapy http://hakomiinstitute.com
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Shelley Richanbach, Certified Addictions Specialist, Peer Facilitator and Founder of Next Steps for Women, is one of three Bay Area moms writing Parent to Parent ~ a blog sharing concerns about substance abuse. Lisa Frederiksen, Author Speaker Consultant and Founder of BreakingTheCycles.com and Cathy Taughinbaugh, Parent Recovery and Life Coach and Founder of CathyTaughinbaugh.com round out the Parent to Parent team.
