New Year’s Eve can be hard on those of us who aren’t regular drinkers.
Our alcohol tolerance level, if one exists at all, is very low.
On New Year’s Eve, my wife and I shared a bottle of champagne. It was my first time drinking since we shared a bottle of champagne on our wedding anniversary several months ago.
As we sipped our champagne, we reflected on the year we had enjoyed together. I went to sleep looking forward to starting 2013 with a bang. When I woke up, however, I felt like I had spent the night taking body punches from Mike Tyson.
I told myself that the sad-looking face in the mirror wasn’t mine. But it was.
I couldn’t understand why I felt so poorly. I had shared a single bottle of champagne, not a keg of beer. In any case, I was intent on finding out what went wrong.
I needed a logical explanation for why I felt so bad. At breakfast, I looked over at my wife and asked, “Was that a regular size bottle of champagne or did you buy a larger size?”
“It was a normal size bottle, Vince.”
“Did you drink half of it or did I drink more than my fair share?” I asked.
“I believe I had half the bottle,” she said.
With that bit of discovery out of the way, the only thing left was for me to admit that I was a lightweight in the alcohol consumption department. After all, I felt like I should be able to share a bottle of champagne and not wake up feeling like I went on a bender the night before.
“How do you feel?” I asked my wife.
“I feel fine,” she replied. “You have to feel better than you look, Vince.”
“Sorry to disappoint you,” I said. “Why am I such a lightweight now?”
My wife simply shrugged her shoulders. Obviously, she was unwilling to add to my humiliation.
I haven’t always been such a lightweight. There was a time when I could drink all night and wake up ready to tackle the world. I remember being a college student ten (okay 20 plus) years ago and being able drink with the best of them. Now, I have a feeling that there are old ladies in Pasadena that can drink me under the table.
The ironic thing about me feeling so poorly on New Year’s Day is that I thought I took the proper steps to prevent a hangover. For instance, I limited myself to sharing a single bottle of champagne. I drank extra water before imbibing on the bubbly. I ate food as I drank. But despite my planning, I still woke up feeling like crap.
As I spent the first day of 2013 recovering from “my night of excess,” I began to have a new-found respect for older people who drink all the time. My attitude toward older people who are heavy drinkers is now more awe than pity. Obviously, they’re manlier than me.
If anything good came out of this ordeal, then it’s my being inspired to develop enough tolerance to alcohol so that next New Year’s Eve I can share a bottle of champagne with my wife and not feel like I had been someone’s punching bag the night before. It’s probably the worst New Year’s resolution ever.
Then again, it is a New Year’s resolution so who knows if I’ll actually keep it.
READ MORE VINCE WARE ON PATCH:
Buying a New TV
Road Rage in Belmont?
AND ALSO ON PATCH:
Pickle Juice and Other Tips to Beat a Hangover
What's Your Healthy Dish for the New Year?