No Expectations: Dread, dread, dread.

Will I ever WANT to do this?

It's funny. Every day that I go to gym, I'm filled with dread the entire day leading up to it. Usually it's a work day, which is tough enough. But having to work out after toiling at my job for eight hours is the LAST thing I want to do.

One of the greatest joys in life, I've lately discovered, is getting a text from my trainer canceling our appointment. I can't imagine I'd be any more excited if I won the lottery. I've developed a habit on gym days of constantly checking my phone just in case I've missed such a message.

Which leads me to wonder, when exactly will the motivation start kicking in? Seriously. I've written before about how I've still not made the acquaintance of the mysterious "endorphin". I've resigned myself to that never happening. But still, you'd think by now working out wouldn't be such a chore. After all this time, it still hasn't become a habit.

My schedule is pretty much the same since I started, twice a week. Again, I only go because I make appointments, I have to report to someone, and I'm paying extra to do it. I never go on my own, and rarely exercise much outside of my appointments.

Granted, once I'm done with each workout, I'm glad I went and I'm proud of myself. But since I haven't really made any other lifestyle changes, there's been very little progress, at least that I can see. We do plan on getting an exercise bike for the house, so that should help with getting extra cardio in between workouts. If I can throw a DVD in the computer, it should distract me enough that it wouldn't be so bad.

I guess all I can do is keep going and see what happens. I haven't quit yet, right?

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